Nonverbal behavior is a trait that we learn to use as we get older. Some people are excellent at using nonverbal behavior. They use their nonverbal cues to engage with the person they are talking to and know how to keep the conversation going. Other people are not as able to use their nonverbal cues and can cause a misunderstanding with the person they are having a conversation with. This can lead to an argument with a loved one or can put off people that may want to talk to you.
When I am communicating with others I use nonverbal cues based on who I am talking too. I do this based on a comfort level and I know when it is appropriate to show nonverbal skills or not. If I am talking to people that I have just met or if it is someone of an importance than I keep engaged with the person. I demonstrate eye contact, face the person as we talk, and have a positive demeanor. If it is a family member or a friend than I tend to talk to them casually and not be so engaged. There is more room to talk freely and have a more relaxed environment.
Personally I depend on the words and have an interest in what a person has to say. Compared to nonverbal cues I only rely on a person's tone. From a person's tone I can tell their emotions of the subject we are talking about. I can detect happiness, sadness, seriousness or sarcasm in a person's tone. Even if I am not engaged with the person, face to face or eye contact, I can detect their emotion through their tone.
I think my nonverbal behavior is influenced by my gender. I've seen that men are more likely to be lessed engaged in a conversation. We are more likely to not be face to face when talking to someone and don't make eye contact. This can lead to an issue of miscommunication with women, since they are more engaged with a person when they speak. Women are more likely to want a person's full attention and want to be heard.
That is only my opinion and their may be other reasons why we communicate a certain way. I believe that women communicate differently than men and there may be a certain disconnect between the two genders from time to time. There are just certain communication skills that each gender is better at and I think that we will always debate at who is better than the other.
I appreciated what you said at the beginning of your second paragraph: When I am communicating with others I use nonverbal cues based on who I am talking too. I do this based on a comfort level and I know when it is appropriate to show nonverbal skills or not. This is a good skill to maintain and one that shows your level of social adaptation.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever been around someone that would be considered socially inept? It is hard to hold a conversation with someone like this. They do not understand how send the appropriate non-verbal cues nor do they comprehend the ones you are sending to them.
As sad as this is, I believe it is becoming far more common today. And one of the main contributors is technology. Much of conversation now is done by internet or text. As you practice this kind of conversation, you lose the art of non-verbal communication. The reason that this is so tragic is simple: non-verbal communication plays a huge role in successful communication.
But there are ways to fight this while still enjoying technology. For instance, make a phone call rather than sending a text – this way you still have the benefit of reading tone and inflection. Or maybe, next time you enter an online chat room, have a video chat instead of all written.
Ryan Huerta,
ReplyDeleteI think verbal communication is generally more liked than nonverbal cues, unfortunately, we all lack the practice. Maybe it’s because we are more comfortable with silence but men do talk less than women. At my work, it is so hard to figure them out. Even when I directly ask them questions, if they do not have an arrogant attitude, they are too quiet! I’m not really complaining because I know women also have certain attitudes that I rather they did not. Personally, I so like quiet men more than talkative men because they have that mysterious, macho feel. It is very stereotypical but it is a custom that I cannot deny liking. In women, I also rather them talk than stay quiet. Maybe because I know they think a lot and it drives me crazy trying to think what that is –I rather they say it out. Of course I’m not proposing that men don’t think. They think a lot as well but they focus more on nonsocial issues –at least from my experience. To be more specific, they do not focus on little problems but in general issues that have a big impact. Women, although this is the reason to why they are more considerate, focus on little aspects of every situation. Everything counts according to us.
I agree that a person’s tone of voice can give a lot of information about how they feel. I have noticed that my dogs pay good attention to my tone of voice to find out what is going on with me. Some examples are when I am mad and my tone of voice is loud, the dog can tell that I am angry she stands in front of me with her tail tucked in into her body and her body is low to the ground. An example of a happy tone is when my voice is high pitched and I start talking baby talk to my dog and she is excited as well and her tail is wagging and her tongue is hanging out. I noticed when I watch a sad movie I get emotional and start to tear up and have the sniffles, my dog drops what she is doing and runs to side and she lays her head on my lap till I tell her that I am okay then she goes to lay down again. It is interesting how much communicating a person or a dog can get from a tone of voice or a nonverbal sign.
ReplyDeleteTo: Ryan Huerta
ReplyDeleteI agree with nonverbal behaviors being a trait that can be learned as we grow older, but I also think that some people are born with it. Some people may not have the charisma or courage when it comes to communicating with certain people, but others are this way since day one. Have you ever heard people say, “Oh, he’s been outgoing since he was little, he would always have the girls in the palms of his hand” and blab on? Well I think this is true, but then again some people may lose it in result of an event in their lives or because of constant let down from someone they really respect. I also use nonverbal cues based on who I’m talking to, I act formal when necessary and I act very different with my friends than when I act with a boss or professor. I think may talk t family members with much casualty and they feel more relaxed like you do.
I’ve never really considered just paying attention to someone’s tone and words, I don’t find myself to be judgmental, but I guess this contradicts my beliefs in myself. I look at how people act, I mind it if they don’t look me in my eyes when they’re talking to me, I guess I find it somewhat rude. I can also detect a certain attitude given off by a person by their tone, but I also get it from they way they act. As a woman, I do want peoples attention and I want others to hear me out fully or else I would get offended. I see what you’re talking about when it comes to this. I not really sure who is better at communicating when it comes to women and men, but we both have our certain styles that separate each other.
Hey, this is great. I enjoyed reading how you use your nonverbal cue's to interact with people you may meet. Nonverbal cues are character traits i believe. as we grow older we fine tune our looks and our gestures and our walks and accents.
ReplyDeleteI share your comment about nonverbal cues differing with the person. When talking to someone, especially someone you would like to have a relationship with such as a friend or a girl friend or boyfriend, it is necessary to have tact and using nonverbal cues responsibly is part of that tact.
I also pay attention to tone and words and sometimes I find myself thing arrogantly and judging the person at which time I have to step back and just listen, past the words and tone but to the message because the person may not have the adequate nonverbal cues to present what their trying to present but if you listen deeper I guess there's something we all can get out of it.
I agree that verbal communication is more preferred and used then non-verbal communication. It is a skill that we do not use much and we take it for granted. I have a very expressional face, so I feel like I use non-verbal communication. Others around me can also tell by my body language or facial expressions how I feel that day. Just like we are able to look at someone and know they are in a bad mood or very happy. I like to think if we studied non-verbal communication more we would be able to understand babies and children much more. Babies use non-verbal communication until they are able to speak for themselves. When they are sad they pout, and this lets us know something is wrong. They throw tantrums to let us know there is something they are not happy about. Adults are the same way but we feel like we have to talk out our problems. I totally agree with you that you have to hear and be looking at someone when you are talking to someone. I feel like someone isn’t “listening” to me unless they are looking me in the eye! I also feel like hearing the tone helps distinguish their emotions as well.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say that the misinterpretation of nonverbal behavior can cause a problem I completely agree with you. I tend to have nonverbal cues that might come off as being mean or something worse. I also agree with you when you say that the ability of having a great nonverbal behavior develops as a person gets older. I have not develops great ways to communicate because I am very shy. Since I don’t like to speak to people unless they talk to me first, in person this may come off as me being rude or stuck up, when in reality I’m just not used to making conversation with people I don’t know. I find a lot of things awkward and weird so I feel like I will make things that way by starting a conversation. Of course when speaking to people I feel comfortable with I have nonverbal cues, but they change depending on who I am speaking to, same as you. We all happen to have many different ways to communicate and I happen to communicate better writing than with nonverbal behavior. I also rely on a persons tone of voice instead of their actual behavior or gestures. Their tone makes it easier for me to see how they feel on certain things, it makes it easier to read them.
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